Blessings

So often I lose track of the many blessings right in front of me, while I wait, impatiently, for God to give me more.  It's sad but true.  Lately a prayer of mine has to been to have joy, regardless of the circumstances I face.  Its a good reminder to me that there is so much in my life to be joyful about, so many blessings.  When people hear that we're dealing with infertility again, the response I often get is "but you have two beautiful girls already".  Of course that is true, and I feel incredibly blessed to have them.  To see them play together so well, to see them take immense pleasure and security they have with each other is amazing.  But there is just something in me that desires to expand our family.  To be round with pregnancy, feeling a child I haven't met yet, but love completely, move and kick inside me.  To wait with bated breath for that first cry and glimpse of God's most amazing of creations.  Yesterday we watched a Full House episode with the girls where Jesse and Becky's twins were born.  I glanced over at Stan afterwards  and he was misty eyed( he's embarrassed about how easily that happens), and all I could think of was, how much more special to see him get that way when its our child he sees for the first time. I want to see the girls excitement when they meet their new brother or sister, because its become a family thing- that we're waiting for another baby.  The greatest calling for me is to be a mom.  The greatest blessing for me is my children.  My prayer is that I won't miss out on the ones right in front of me, while I wait for the ones to come.  I want to live in the moment, enjoying each day with my girls, because sooner than we know they're grown.  We're approaching Mikaela's third birthday, and perhaps that's what makes it feel a little more difficult right now.  My "baby" is gone, and we never planned for there not to be another by now.  I can't say that its easy putting aside my desires and what I think should happen, for God's perfect plan.  I don't see the big picture.  I only see right here and now.  And maybe that means that for today I see the beautiful children entrusted to me, I give them an extra hug, and I spend a little more time just enjoying what my life is right now.