Days of Sadness here, Gladness in Heaven

WARNING: MAY BE GRAPHIC TO SOME READERS
If you are on facebook you may have seen that we have had some sad days here lately.  My sister, who was two months ahead of me in her pregnancy has had a lot of stuff going on.  She had weeks of spotting, but doctors could not find anything too concerning.  She also lost some amniotic fluid, which again, seemed to have no reason behind it.  About a week ago her bleeding intensified a lot.  On Tuesday cramping also started.  Wednesday evening she gave birth to a little girl in her car en route to the hospital at 24 weeks.  Her husband then broke the sac, and gave CPR until the ambulances arrived.  Traumatic, to say the least.  Baby did not survive.  Obviously very difficult experience for them.  The sadness that I feel can not be measured.  She is my sister, and we were sharing a very special experience, and it is very difficult to be so far away from her right now.  So many thoughts go through my mind, one of which was that we were going to take pictures of our bellies about a month ago, but decided that we would wait until we were further along.  Now we don't have the chance.  And I will be a reminder to her every time she sees me of what she has lost, as well as my child when that time comes.  What once was a special thing will now be a sad thing. 
I think that it has also made me feel again what a blessin our children are. Although we've grieved the inability to get pregnant, Stan and I have never had a miscarriage or lost a child.  I'm thankful that we have not had that sort of grief.  As I go to the memorial for my little niece, I'm reminded of the other babies Stan's and my families have lost.  Noah, my brother's boy who died at birth, and 3 others we don't know, 2 lost by Stan's brother and sister-in-law and 1 lost by Stan's sister and her husband.
But I also know that what is sadness here, is gladness in heaven.  Although I don't know exactly how it is there, and probably not theoligically accurate,  I like to think that my grandma is holding  Miriam, and her cousin Noah is nearby.  And given the difficulties that she would have likely faced here, with brain damage and any number of other things, I think that once the grief can pass, we will see the blessing in it.  I think that God knows what we can bear, and as hard as this is for my sister, I think God knew she may not be able to handle what could have been. 

Camp, here we come

So after much deliberation, many doubts, and finally peace, we have decided to head to our church's camp for a week.  We feel like we've been out of the camp scene since we were dating, and now I guess we're getting back in.  It was a difficult decision for us, probably mostly for selfish reasons, although there were a few legitimate concerns as well.   Its hard to give up a week of holidays to volunteer when we have many other things we could be doing with our girls. But no matter what we do, I need to remember that we're building memories for them, and really, if we can get them used to camp already, then it should be easier when they are older to go.  They'll know what to expect, and hopefully be excited about going.  As it is right now, they are excited.  They both don't know what's in store, but Chasadya's best friend is also going to be there with her parents, so I think it will be great on that front.  In fact, Stan and I don't know what to expect either.  We have never been to this camp, and although we met at a camp, to me this is very different.  The camp I attended growing up, and later counselling at didn't have a lake, but rather a pool.  It had a fabulous horsemanship program, which is where I learned to ride, as well as archery, crafts, sports,and a few other "skills".  We would be able to choose 4 for the week, and would get to do these each once a day.  As far as I know, there is a very different set up at this camp.  There are not that many campers to begin with(less than 50) and it sounds like they all do the same thing at the same time(I may be wrong about that, but that's how it sounded).  So what are we doing?  Stan is going to drive boat for water sports during the swim time, and we are both going to do sports together.  Not sure if this is my forte, but its something that needs to be done, and we want to be available.  So over the next few days, we'll be brainstorming for ideas on group games.  There are a few relay possibilities, as well as the classic "Capture the Flag" or "Prisoner's Base", but we also need to have a few rain day possibilities.  Any suggestions, let me know.
Although there is a little apprehension over this experience, mostly fear of the unknown, I also feel like we finally made the decision that God wanted us to make.  Why else did we never feel completely settled every time we said no?  Why did it keep coming up?  Why else were Stan's holidays at the right time?  I think it was because God knew we should be going.  Not only for the campers, the staff, and ourselves, but also for our girls.  We may not be able to go again for a few years, as we'll have a 6 month old next year, but if we don't go this year, when everything has worked out so well, when will we?  I've been told that the relationships built, the entire experience, is something that we will not regret doing.  If I can get past the packing, I just might end up agreeing with them.  But before we go to camp, we have a week with the girls doing the things that we planned to do over 2 weeks, which includes shopping(!) and of course the place where the train goes round and round. 

Water challenges

After a summer of no yard, we are completely enjoying having one this year.  We have grass, a sandbox, and our pool.  Thanks to God, we have had the weather to enjoy all of that.  Its been interesting to watch my girls become more and more comfortable with the water.  Two years ago, when we had the pool set up, we watched Mikaela learn to walk in the water.  She of course lost her balance, but the resistance of the water helped her realize that she could do it, and it didn't take long after that she was walking outside of the pool.  This year, the first little while of being in the pool was quite uncomfortable for them(it was pretty cold to start- now its so warm Stan does not find it refreshing-28 degrees), but aside from the temperature, they just didn't feel that comfortable.  I would have thought that we take them swimming enough to a big pool that it wouldn't be a big deal, but it seemed like this was different enough.  Our pool is only 2 feet deep, so they can very easily walk and run around in it.  Last week Chasadya had a pool party for her birthday, and I was amazed at how one of her friends had no fear of the water and repeatedly put her head under and all sorts.  She was wearing water wings for that reason.  But I couldn't help but think, wow, why doesn't Chasadya feel that comfortable.  But I realize that each child is different, and does things at their own pace. However, I think that seeing her friend be so at ease has helped her a bit this week.  Actually, both girls have become so much more comfortable this week, that I've been surprised.  It really helps that we are in the pool every day, yesterday three times.  And although Mikaela gets a bit worked up about her face going in the water, Chasadya has realized that she can stand up, and its no big deal.  She's working on blowing bubbles under water for 3 seconds, and although she's not there yet, I have no doubt that she will be by the end of the summer. 
I'm just thankful for the weather, but also that I can be at home with my girls to see them grow and push themselves.  Some of the memories we make now will last their lifetime, and I'm so privileged to be able to be such a part of it.