Saturday 16 July 2011

Days of Sadness here, Gladness in Heaven

WARNING: MAY BE GRAPHIC TO SOME READERS
If you are on facebook you may have seen that we have had some sad days here lately.  My sister, who was two months ahead of me in her pregnancy has had a lot of stuff going on.  She had weeks of spotting, but doctors could not find anything too concerning.  She also lost some amniotic fluid, which again, seemed to have no reason behind it.  About a week ago her bleeding intensified a lot.  On Tuesday cramping also started.  Wednesday evening she gave birth to a little girl in her car en route to the hospital at 24 weeks.  Her husband then broke the sac, and gave CPR until the ambulances arrived.  Traumatic, to say the least.  Baby did not survive.  Obviously very difficult experience for them.  The sadness that I feel can not be measured.  She is my sister, and we were sharing a very special experience, and it is very difficult to be so far away from her right now.  So many thoughts go through my mind, one of which was that we were going to take pictures of our bellies about a month ago, but decided that we would wait until we were further along.  Now we don't have the chance.  And I will be a reminder to her every time she sees me of what she has lost, as well as my child when that time comes.  What once was a special thing will now be a sad thing. 
I think that it has also made me feel again what a blessin our children are. Although we've grieved the inability to get pregnant, Stan and I have never had a miscarriage or lost a child.  I'm thankful that we have not had that sort of grief.  As I go to the memorial for my little niece, I'm reminded of the other babies Stan's and my families have lost.  Noah, my brother's boy who died at birth, and 3 others we don't know, 2 lost by Stan's brother and sister-in-law and 1 lost by Stan's sister and her husband.
But I also know that what is sadness here, is gladness in heaven.  Although I don't know exactly how it is there, and probably not theoligically accurate,  I like to think that my grandma is holding  Miriam, and her cousin Noah is nearby.  And given the difficulties that she would have likely faced here, with brain damage and any number of other things, I think that once the grief can pass, we will see the blessing in it.  I think that God knows what we can bear, and as hard as this is for my sister, I think God knew she may not be able to handle what could have been. 

1 comment:

  1. Prayers for your sister and your family. How sad.
    I too have been blessed that I've never known the grief of losing a little one. I'm going to go kiss my kids now.

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